This week was very weird and uncomfortable. For me, for my flatmates.
I’m sick. I say it to anybody, but as my blog is sort of secret and hidden from social networks, I can write it. I’ve a small part of autism and schizophrenia. My parents doesn’t know that.
Let me recap.
I was followed for 7 years by a psychologist (or it was 8 ? Idk), ’cause i was liyng all the time to my parents (mostly). After few suicide attempts, I decided to go to a psychiatric hospital, where I stayed 2 weeks. It was in 2015 (we are in 2017 when I wrote this, so it was 2 years ago).
Since, it was better, I was not happy of my life at all (i’m not a pink unicorn sorry, if you are looking for hope, quit this blog immediately aha), but i was a trustworthy person. (it’s in bold, waw the magic of the internet).
But the problem is here. In January 2017 (this year), I was feel bad again. And for little things (like “I’m going to visit a friend”), I started to lie again.
The worry is that I do not master these things at all, it is as if a voice in my head prevented me. As if my body was acting alone. And it is some of pesky.
So, for this week.
I was with one of my flatmates and with my best friend in a party. I was drinking a lot, smoking a lot, in short it was a big night.
When I decided with my best friend to leave and to back home, I noticed on the way that I had someone else’s phone, in addition to mine.
And all started.
I preferred to say anything (I was drunk) and I back home.
The next day, I was lost. If I said I had it, I would be called a thief, was I’m thinking.
So for 2 days, I said I had nothing, I hide it since my brain had a brillant idea. If I can’t say that, let the others discover it.
I put a fake ad on a french sell-website (called Leboncoin), with the same password my flatmates knows. I left my PC open with the ad on, plus I put the phone in a place where I knew they would go.
Finally, they find it, I did not say anything, pretended to be surprised but I explained my illness, my Brain Damage.
“The Lunatic is on the Grass” – Brain Damage, Pink Floyd
Finally, they order me to left the flat this Sunday (we are Friday today), I think I will live with my father for a while, then I will find a flat alone.
Moreover I decided to go again at my psychologist.
The story could be ended here.
Yesterday, my flatmate and ex-best friend as a girl invited the man who owns the phone. My other flatmate tell me to come, and i got litteraly fucked by this guy.
After, he order me to leave (it was still my flat..) and they took tea for 1 hour.
I don’t know what to think. I don’t find this acceptable. Okay,I screwed up. But that, it’s shitting.